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In english we have to write a research paper over any topic, and I choose string theory! Or something about it. I haven’t really decided yet. I’m gonna try to read more into it and find something that really sparks my interests, so I’ll be really passionate about the paper. When I figure out details of what I am doing, I will let you know, hopefully with an incite of my paper. Right now, I’m reading “Interdimensional Physics,” which is perfect, and very interesting, as I’ve only read the first two chapters. The language that it uses is very professional and profound, which will be good for me, since I hang around a lot of low-vocabulary, cussing, not-very-smart people. I have a few more sources, two being books, that I am going to read. hopefully I will have enough time to complete them before I have to start writing the paper.

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,171379,00.html
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1074943,00.html
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1226142,00.html
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/elegant/program.html
http://www.sukidog.com/jpierre/strings/tutor.htm
http://www.damtp.cam.ac.uk/user/gr/public/qg_ss.html
http://www.theory.caltech.edu/people/jhs/strings/index.html
http://www.britannica.com/ebc/article-9379911

http://aslamp.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/12/Outline.doc
http://aslamp.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/12/Rough%20Draft.doc

As humans we naturally fear death. It’s something that is very hard to face and paranoys a lot of people. Subconsciencly, and sometimes consciencly, we try to aviod it, and stay as far any from it as possible, making sure that we never have to see or think about it. One of these subconscience actions is the way that “popular” people dress and look like. As we age and eventually die, what happens to us? Our skin becomes very pall, our hair turns gray, things just basically lose their color and shape. So what do we do about it? Girls wear tons of make-up, eyeliner, lip-stick, masquera, blush, that other powdery stuff… among other things. We/they are trying to convince the world that we/they aren’t dead yet, by showing the most vibrant colors, and designs. It’s like we’re butterflies or something, trying to actract a mate. Oh wait, that’s exactly what we are doing! This is one of those things, that we you realize it, you can control what you are doing, and be able to see what it is that you are doing. So try to set yourself apart from others, other animals that is! Become human, show that you don’t need to conform just because everyone else is. I believe that the most beautiful person is she that doesn’t try to impress, but does anyway. One that shows her natural state, without make-up, and how beautiful that can be.

Why is love made out to be so complicated. People say it is an emotion that we cannot control, but why not? What is it that makes everyone so vulnerable to love? Is it that we, as humans, strive for comfort, understanding and other human contact no matter how much we try to convince ourselves we don’t? I believe that deep down, we really don’t want control over our emotions. We may try to say that we do have control or that we want it, but we are only trying to fool ourselves. All throughout life we are searching for understanding, control, and anything that can keep us from not knowing. Why do you think there is religion. The only reason is because people as a whole fear the unknown. We don’t know where we came from so we make up believable stories to explain it. All throughout history this has been so. But this seeking for knowing-ness is wearing down our spiritual/mental state. We then search for a release so that our mind’s won’t implode because no matter how many stories we make up or how much we think we know everything, we never do. Eventually it all builds up and all we need to do is let go, we let go through love.

As human beings, we naturally feel feelings such as selfishness, because by instint, that’s all we cared about. But now, we have intelligence (well most of us), and we have to use it to benefit the world, not only ourselves. So when someone considers you selfish, don’t take it as that, take it as they just insulted your intelligence. Sometimes we can’t help our feelings, they control the better of us. In certain cases, it’s ok to just blame nature, and say “I’m just human.” But not all the time, that’s when we become lazy and don’t want to think about other people. So realize that you are human and your mind was made to act that way. Maybe once you realize that, you can start to control your mind and how selfish you really are.

Hurray for another useless and misunderstood holiday! I’m stuffed and very tried, considering I got about six hours of sleep last night, thanks to Brooke ;). We had to clean a whole bunch and make our house look like we clean in every week… That was pretty hard. Bunch of food, along with family and games, but not too bad for a nonsense holiday. Our family does this thing called ‘White Elephant.’ It’s basically bingo, then when you win you get to take a gift, then when the next person wins, they can steal your gift, or take a new one. It’s pretty fun, especially if your family is competitive. Happy Holidays to all, and now to make Christmas lists and look the huge ads in the paper today. It wasn’t really the paper. It was ads with the paper in it.

Ever notice that if someone is doing something, such as clicking or whistling, that you tell them to stop automatically? What makes us do that? Is it the stress of what we were working on that caused on to release our anger someplace else, on the person? Humans can’t work with a lot of noise, or the absense of it. It’s just like a heart beat, throbing annoyingly to the point where you want just to rip it out, but you can’t live without it. Try just tapping your foot repeativly, for about a minute or so, then stop. Don’t you feel an absense of something? It’s like our bodies start feeding off of it, using it to do something, and when it stops, it doesn’t know what to do, you just feel… an absense. People can’t even sit still without doing anything for a minute, let alone a few seconds. We have to try to do something to distract ourselves. But from what are we are distracting ourselves? Of what are we so afraid?

My thoughts are so confusing. One minute I am missing someone, wanting to see them, and be with them, then the next, it’s someone else. I try to tell them how I feel, but I don’t know how I feel. People that I am ‘in love with’ are moving farther and farther away from me. It’s not something I want or can control. It just feels like if that person isn’t reponding to be, to how I am compassionate to them, then they don’t deserve it. But that’s not true. Most of the time they just do not realize what I am trying to get at or which since I am putting it in. Then other times when I’m not thinking like that, someone else is. And eventually I’ll end up hurting them too, because they’ll see it as love, while I still only recongize it as a platonic friendship. A friend may be better than a sole-mate, but what if you can’t stand to be without that person. Does that make you love them? Does that make them more? And all this time, you have no idea how they feel. You can get in the mode of how much you want to be with them, only because of a song, or poem, or even this post. Sometimes just thinking about them isn’t enough. When you feel so much pain that you feel you wish you could just give up a part of your soul, just to see them one more time before the week ends, or before the next day. I believe thats when you are truely in love. But I guess thats only if they feel the same way about you that you’ll get to be really happy. Why is it so hard to find that someone? As human beings, shouldn’t it be easy for us to couple off and just be happy together? Apparently it’s not, because I haven’t found someone. Atleast someone that feels the same way about me that I do about them. But, you can bring this all back to “you shouldn’t look for love” or “you’re too young” or even more love-negative sayings that are just made by people that don’t want it, or already have it. When is everyone going to realize that their feelings aren’t shared by everyone else? We have to express ourselves in order to let people know how we feel, so that they can better understand our point of view, or opinion. I tried writing songs with this emotion, but it just took too long to make all of them fit. This is so much easier, I can just let my thoughts flow, and not try to put them in a nicely wrapped heart-shaped box.